You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
