I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
