apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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