I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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