apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
