just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
