sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
