Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
