How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
