Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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