what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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