I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
