The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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