I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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