I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
