i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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