I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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