Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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