My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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