i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
