I heard we made out
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
