I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize