it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
