yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
