i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And then he peed in my hair
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