my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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