Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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