The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
