I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
