God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I believe in your delicious
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
