im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
