All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
FUCK WHALES
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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