I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
