I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
