Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
