Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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