Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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