Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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