So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
