Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
God, I missed his penis.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
