Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
