dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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