NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
