Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
