know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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