just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
