I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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