i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
