And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
