Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
