I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
