i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
