I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
