you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
