I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
