No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
