I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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