If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
