Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
