So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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