u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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