I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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