Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
