Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So much rum. So many feels.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
